Into The Sky
by Natsuki Tadahiko
Summary: heero's grief and thoughts of duo's death


Into The Sky - Heero's Grief 

(AFTER THE DEATH OF DUO MAXWELL)

I have dressed in the white outfit that he had picked out for me during those happier times. I look around our little place for the last time and left - I could not come back here anymore. Thinking back to those days, they seem so far away... I didn't look back as I feel the heat of the fire that has engulfed it. No, there will not be any coming back.

Now, I stand in front of the pond, and look into the undisturbed waters for a time. The outfit had been pure white when I had put it on, but now it was stained with red and black - with blood and ashes. I feel the tie in my pocket... I had not even attempted to put it on. He was the one that had always done it for me, and now, he was gone.

The blood - it hadn't come off of my hands, I suppose it made sense to me. After all, how could I take away the blood and destruction? He is not here to do it for me anymore... I will never hear his laughter anymore, or feel his touch. For a moment, all I can do is remember. Remember all that he had been to me during our time together - he had been my only hope, my heart's protector...

I frown a little, and can't help wondering why Duo had chosen white for me. There is nothing of innocence in me- at least, not anymore. He had been the last vestige of such a thing for me, and now... now he is gone. He is gone, and I am alone here, with no one to guard my soul for me - is that why I feel this pain that I should not fear? I am not injured, after all...

What can I do? I walk away from the pond and stand in front of where I had buried what had remained of Duo's body. It is an unmarked site, but I had chosen a memorable spot. I found it easily- after all, how could I really forget? I had put his body between two trees twined together - I think he would have liked that. I hope he will be happy here, in the peace of the forest.

I look at the roses that I had gotten for his grave, and lay them where he will lie forevermore... They are pure white and beautiful, a fitting flower to place upon his grave. I kneel at the grave, and try to do what normal people do. What do you do, when you are sorrowful at a death? Pray, cry - lose control... but I have never mourned before. 

Instead, I started a fire - small, but fitting for my purpose. I gaze into it for a moment, and it mesmerizes. Fire - a familiar thing to me. I have used it as a weapon for too long, and now, it has taken my only joy away. I should have expected it - after all, we are soldiers, disposable weapons. It's just that I expected to die first. He was the one who loved life so fiercely- it should have been me. It should have been me.

I shook my head, trying to get that his last scream out of my mind, but it rings there, clear and pained. Why is it that his last words keep replaying in my head?

::Heero, get out of here while you can! Shit-I'm stuck and down:. Sorry friend but… :: 

::Don't worry about me! Finish the mission for me………… ::

::NNOOOO!! DUO!::

He had done as I had always tried to do, for the same reasons... why was he dead? Why am I still here? I kneel in front of the fire, in front of his grave, felt tears... for some strange reason, I am glad that I can cry. Maybe, for a moment, I need not to be the thing that I am cursing now- how can I be Death, and hate it at the same time?

I take out the lock of hair, my remembrance of him. It is soft and brown, slightly curled. I put it to my face, and then took it away - it still smells of him. This was the last thing I have of him... the only thing. I stare at it for a moment, and it seems like I could hear his laughter... almost. But never again...

I took out my knife, and cut off a lock of my hair as well. Putting them together, I tie them with the cord I had taken from his braid so long ago. But it doesn't feel right... I reach into my pocket, and feel the black tie I had left there. I can't help but to smile a little as I pull out the tie, and use that to bind the two locks together as well. I see the hairs intertwining, becoming one... 

I stare into the fire once more, and gently toss the hairs into the center of the flame. They catch immediately, and disappear into the smoke, into the sky. I wait until the fire has consumed all of it - the tie and the cord as well, and then bid goodbye to him, to our life together. I bid farewell to the Heero that his love had created.

I look once more into the pond, as I get ready to leave. A bitter smile is on my face as I see my tear-streaked face. This should teach me not to get involved with anyone. After all, what am I? Death, destruction - a perfect soldier... that is all I am. There can be no room for love, for happiness, until after my mission if fulfilled. Now, the soldier is all.

I sigh, and turn back to the grave with its still-smoldering flame. It is too bad that my mission cannot be completed. Being a perfect soldier does not mean that failure will not happen. Now, it doesn't matter to me whether I succeeded or failed. I will try, to go beyond my capabilities, risking all, and one day, that will kill me. I will fail, and then I will join you, Duo. Mayhap we will meet again when I die - could we fly up into the sky with the flames… together?……once again?……


End file.
